The Quivering Puppies are PNR Icons…

September 22, 2011 in Dead to the World - Book 4, Sex in Sookieverse, Sookie Stackhouse, Southern Vampire Mysteries

…True Facts.

One of the traits that make Sookie such an endearing character is her healthy enthusiasm for sex – and her hilarious attempts to share this enthusiasm with readers. Most often this involves heavy borrowing from the vernacular of her well worn trashy romance novels, the results of which are the stuff of Sookieverse legend.

From Eric being “as deep inside as he could get without an operation”; to Sookie’s cutesy offer to “nurse” his raging boner – with her MOUTH – to the now infamous Gracious Plenty and its matching Yahoo Palace, Sookie is never stuck for an awesomely cheesy adjective to describe her sexual adventures.

So when the Huffington Post decided to take an affectionate look at the worst sex scenes in the paranormal genre – of course, the Dead to the World shower scene was a shoo-in.

The tongue-in-cheek list includes scenes from Dead to the World and Dead in the Family, as well as classics from authors such as Laurell K Hamilton and Annette Blair.

Here’s a little…tease. (Yeah, I had to).

“Fuck me,” I said. “Fuck me, God, fuck me, just fuck me. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, please, please, please, just fuck me.” – Incubus Dreams (Hamilton)

I think she wants him to fuck her. Just a guess.

“His man lance prepared for duty.” – Naked Dragon (Blair)

His….man lance?

His WHAT, now?

I feel violated by visuals of sword fights and blanket tents and…well, you get the picture.

Head over to the Huffington Post to check out the rest, I promise you won’t be left…wanting.

What’s your most cringeworthy line in a PNR sex scene? Sound off below!

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The Quivering Puppies are PNR Icons…


    1. Gigi says:

      His man lance!!!
      What about: ”
      “He was a velvet rock in my hand.” – A Brush of Darkness (Pang)

      BTW, Totally love the new layout and colors. ;)


    2. DeeDee says:

      Love this. Sookie’s expressions are all part of her charm.


    3. Viking Dame says:

      Love the new cloring SVB! I have the site saved under Favorites and for a second I thought it had taken me to the wrong site. lol

      OMG, you’re teasers of this list are hilarious. I can’t wait to read the whole thing. Man lance? Bwah!!


    4. Viking Dame says:

      And that should obviously be *your* and not *you’re*



    5. sheldon says:

      LOL SVB – man lance is pretty bad. Nothing comes to mind immediately – maybe I’ve deliberately banished the worst of the phrases – but I did read a shit load of mills and boons when I was teenager (hey, it was the best I could get my hands on at the time) and there were some god awful lines in some of them. Everything from ‘burgeoning manhood’ to ‘throbbing manliness’. Which is why CH’s ‘quivering puppies’ is so so bad…..its straight outta M&B. She writes create characters and dialogue, but the some of her sex scene phrasing?….not her forte.

      PS, love the refreshed look of Sookieverse. What a lovely surprise when I click on tonight….


    6. sheldon says:

      That should read, “she writes great characters…” Damn crappy typing


    7. VikingLover says:

      BWAHAHA!! Poor Sookie!

      By the way, I thought this one was hilarious:

      “Her pubes was a field of wheat after the harvest, a field neatly furrowed…” Bronwyn: Silk and Steel” by Ron Miller

      What the hell?! lololol


    8. Viking Dame says:

      Okay I’m back. What the hell are “seaweed pubes”? O_O


      • GeekGirlSTL says:

        LOL! That was one that got me too. It just gives me images of the creature from the black lagoon….ewwwww…..

        Also, LOVE the new pretty colors of the site :)


    9. IATM says:

      HA !! Quinn & Sookie in DD chapter 19 dry humping in the kitchen before the kidnapper’s came & took them both.. ( the kidnapper’s were Debbie’s parents & sister)..

      ” he pressed against me, released,pressed agian, the ridge formed by the stretch of the jeans over his penis hitting just right spot, so easy to reach throgh the stretchy spandex”…. & Quinn says “Oh God, Oh God” ..

      ROTFL because all of this with clothes on Quinn had a really quik orgasm .. the entire scene is one page pretty much..


      • C.K. says:

        OMG IATM, that Quin stuff was traumatizing to read. I could not wait until those two broke up. Also, he hadn’t done that since he was 17 in the back of his dad’s truck. Quinn was just gross. I knew he was going to be in the short story but I still got annoyed. Him and hid d*mn “babe”. I am not a Quinn fan by any means. When I read the books I though he would never leave. I only ever saw Quinn as the rebound guy anyway.


        I am glad Sookie turned him down in the short story and looked him straight in the eye and told him that she lovd Eric. I hope Quinn doesn’t show up in the books again.


    10. SacredmOOn says:

      Good grief I’m glad I posted Anita Blake series asking who had read it and what they thought. Because of that listed above good GAWD. From the responses geezzz glad I cut and ran at book 9.

      “Fuck me,” I said. “Fuck me, God, fuck me, just fuck me. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, please, please, please, just fuck me.” – Incubus Dreams (Hamilton)

      LOVE LOVE the new look SVB!


    11. eviehellosweetheart says:

      Love the new color so much.
      Quinn always makes me cringe
      “babe I haven’t come like that since I was17″ Yuk!
      “Go hard I said urgently go, go go” always makes me laugh
      However I will not hear a word against Nurse Sookie and the Gracious Plenty.She swallowed down everything he gave her don’t you know :)


    12. hime says:

      Haha! That’s hilarious! :)


    13. Mony says:

      OMG, sorry to go off topic but ..I F*** LOVE the new graphic SVB!!!
      FANGTASTIC!!!! :D <3

      Btw Quinn and his early eiaculation in his pants on a kitchen table screaming he didn't come so hard since he was 16 made me LMAO! Seriously wtf wast the Charlaine? lol

      The quivering puppies always mede me smile xD


    14. cw says:

      Very pretty. Love the lavender.


    15. Skarlove says:

      LMAO! This was a great way to start my morning…I’ve got the same question as Viking Dame – what the hell are “seaweed pubes”???? :shock: Is that a compliment or an insult?

      Purple looks great on you, SVB – the color of royalty, you know! :)


      • VikingLover says:

        I still can’t get over the “pubes” line. lololol!!!

        I have to say that for me the Queen of PNR sex is J.R. Ward. I swear that no one does it better! lol I think Jeanine Frost is probably a close second. :D


        • Mony says:

          LOL yeah, JR Ward has a way with sex decriptions xD


        • Skarlove says:

          I agree, VL – except I’d prolly put Frost *slightly* ahead of Ward – sentimental attachment to Ch 32 ;-) and all that, LOL!

          So back to seaweed pubes –
          Does that mean they’re so long they wave back and forth?
          Or that they smell like fish and saltwater?

          Racking my brain trying to see how that description could be complimentary!


          • Viking Dame says:

            Oh Skarlove, yuck! Fish and saltwater? LMAO!


            • VikingLover says:

              {Does that mean they’re so long they wave back and forth?}

              OMG, the visuals! lololol!!! I wonder if the next line talks about taking a weed wacker to it in order to reach the golden nub. :O


            • Skarlove says:

              :lol: That’s it!! By jove, I think you’ve got it! It’s the nautical PNR version of Sleeping Beauty – where the Prince has to fight his way through the forest of thorns!


      • Isis says:

        “what the hell are “seaweed pubes”????”

        LOL :) ) ok so I think I can explain that one… if U guys want :D

        I´ve read that book (or books really) and if that line has only been said once… well, then that wasn´t said in any sex scene so I don´t know why this one made the list…

        It was referred to a “two-formed” creature: one that changes between a human form and a sea-pony form and she apparently has seaweed pubes.. LOL


        • Skarlove says:

          Hahahaha! :lol: Thank you so much for clearing that up, Isis!


        • Freyja says:

          eeewwwww LOL :D


        • VikingLover says:

          {It was referred to a “two-formed” creature: one that changes between a human form and a sea-pony form and she apparently has seaweed pubes.. LOL }

          BWAHAHA!!! I think it’s hilarious that the author felt the need to describe the pubes at all! lolol!! :lol:

          Oh, I did hear of a book which included a love scene between a man and a fairy…the fairy was the size of Tinkerbell. lol! Disturbing isn’t it? :lol:


          • Isis says:

            {Oh, I did hear of a book which included a love scene between a man and a fairy…the fairy was the size of Tinkerbell. lol! Disturbing isn’t it?}

            Ewww… how SMALL can that man´s lance be … and was the fairy flying back and forth or did he ….
            ok, wow yes disturbing to say the least LOL :)


    16. trarecar says:

      LOFL I can’t say that I have ever read a book that uses the word “pubes”. That right there makes me laugh.

      I think Sookie’s way of describing what is happening to her is cute. And I personally think that Anita’s stuff is really hot, but there have been a few scenes where I raised my eyebrows at her enthusiasm. Like, in awe. LOL

      The one that really happily surprised me with it’s mix of typical romance and use of dirty words is the Kresley Cole books. She uses the word cock and so on, and I think that’s great. I mean, really – who really says throbbing manhood? LOL


    17. Lyta says:

      is pretty much the new layout!

      I like most of the “dialogues” in SVM, provided they have the Viking of course!
      I’m still trying to forget the scene in the kitchen with Quinn, yuck!
      but is there a well-written sex scene? that does not make us laugh a little? I do not remember!
      long ago I do not read these books, only SVM, so I do not remember others now.


    18. IATM says:

      oh , yet another Quinn & Sookie cringe moment in DD chapter 9 ( the first date) this scene takes place after they were attacked by some wolves on the date & they ended up at the police station.. then Quinn decides to take Sookie to the Wolf bar ” Hair of the Dogs”: to chit chat with Alcide.. after the conversation Quinn takes Sookie to the parking lot & the scene starts …

      ” Okay, Okay, lets stop this now”. Quinn say’s “Ummmmm” with his tongue flickering.. Sookie say’s ” I’m not doing this, Quinn ! i’m not having sex with you in this nasty parking lot” .. Quinn then say’s ” Not Even a little bit of sex”? Sookie ” Definietly not”.
      then Quinn goes on to say ” Your mouth is saying one thing , but your body is saying another”
      Hooray for Sookie because she say’s this ” Listen to the mouth BUSTER”..


    19. IATM says:

      oh i forgot to add that i really like the **new** set up on the site.. Great look !


    20. Kelley says:

      Thank you! Sorry, I personally have always hated the shower scene in DTTW. How unsexy to have someone wash your armpits! Gross! As soon as I read that line, I cringe. Then, it starts picking up again only to have her use the word “nub” on the next page! Ewww! It totally takes me out of the scene every time.


    21. FemmeScorpio says:

      I haven’t read any other PNR books besides the SookBooks.

      I’d have to say the operation line made me cringe. And of course the quivering puppies. With the last book, the ‘go hard’ made me think of sports.

      Liking the new layout.


      • Lyta says:

        I do not care much about the sex”s dialogues in SVM, perhaps because what counts for me is the anticipation, as I was surprised the first time with Sookie and Eric, who barely paid attention in descriptions of Sookie (although Mr. Happy it’s epic! LOL), my favorite is D & G, although the first time I read I did not like, in DTIF was funny, but so little that I was more annoyed than amused. And DR was so intense and emotional, I have not problem with the line: go hard.


    22. fiendish says:

      ha ha ha it’s always fun to reread snippets of Sookie’s dodgy narrative style when engaged in doing the dirty. But some of those Quinn scenes… I remember having to put the book down during the (ew!) dry humping episode….

      BTW SVB New layout is great…. but I’m finding the 2nd replies to comments hard to read! Something about the shades of grey…..


    23. Freyja says:

      Beautiful layout SVB, love it <3

      I have never read a sex scene where the pubes are being described LMAO.

      Why are writers so shy to say cock? "turgid magnificence" and "man lance" sounds so prudish.

      "My nipples waved hello at him as he pulled down the cups of my bra." OMFG; I can't stop laughing :'D

      Ok I've always found Sookie's descriptions of her sexual experiences cute and sexy ;)


      • FemmeScorpio says:

        turgid… really.

        sounds too much like turd.



      • znb says:

        LOL Freyja exactly!! y not cock!! or the millions of other words for penis in the english language? lol. i once read a (horrible) romance where she called it his MAN ROOT! Oh boy did that book make me laugh.
        Lol SVB and FB changes at the same time……..nooooooo! :p lol i like the SVB changes though..pretty!


      • Isis says:

        Uhhh seriously guys?
        You´ve never said to your man: “Honey, prepare your man lance to duty… NOW… cause I´m going to grasp your turgid magnificence and do things you never thought were possible”
        Seriously.. never??


    24. trarecar says:

      The first scene to give me tingles in SVM was the scene with Eric and Sookie in bed when Bubba busts in on them. HAWT. I was an Eric fan from that point on. At this point I wish Charlaine would add a little more sexual tension for the couple. I miss that. If she doesn’t want to do that then at least get a little more graphic with their sex scenes.

      Yes, I am a dog. LOL I don’t try to hide it though. I’m one of those who keep on reading Anita Blake even though I also feel she needs to get back to more marshall work. People call it porn, and I’m like “Yeah? And?” LOL There is a big lack of porn for females. Romance novels fill that gap well because women aren’t visual like men as a general rule. And not all of us are satisfied with pansy details. I want smut! LOL


      • FemmeScorpio says:

        and that’s when it’s good to have a kindle. there is some really cheap ‘smut’ on amazon. LOL

        Zane’s stuff isn’t supernatural, but it can be smutty LOL.

        the shower scene aside, what followed is what I really liked. And the leg/groin bite was… HAWT. Could you imagine if TB had the balls to do that scene.


    25. gee says:

      Love the new colour :)
      To be fair HP point out that CH’s scenes are supposed to be amusing.
      Let’s face it though, fun and funny is part of sex (if you’re doing it right).

      I often have a little grin when I read love scenes too though, second only to some of the groans produced by the cheesy euphemisms for sex which have appeared on screen ;)
      It must difficult to find a balance that works (CH’s are pretty good ).


    26. Krtmd says:

      Like the new color scheme.

      This all takes me back to the first book I read with sex in it, which I’m remembering as Judy Blume’s Forever. I think I was 11. The boyfriend named his penis Ralph. I’ve never looked at that name the same way again. :-)


    27. IATM says:

      Quinn is cringe worthy all the way around IMO.. in ATD another Quinn sex moment.. i guess Sookie decided after the “BAD” first date in DD (ch 9) & the quick orgasm in DD (ch 19) he deserved another shot..

      so we start the bad sex scene off in ATD in Chapter 2 , Sookie has to keep giving Quinn directions “take off shirt, take me to the bed, take off your clothes, oh, B.T.W Quinn do you have a condom”?? Sookie even had to give Quinn directions where to start in forplay.. Sookie of course picked the brest..

      Quinn say’s ” this is like standing in front of a buffet, i dont know where to begin”, then he say’s , “i think i’ll skip the second course & go right to desert”

      so Quinn isnt a foreplay type of dude.. he just went for the hilt as Sookie put it.. & agian this sex scene was short like a page..LOL !!


    28. Leif says:

      I am LMFAO at it all!!

      Sookie does get her ‘sex speak’ from romance novels, but somehow it works in conjunction with her character.
      There was a video of a fan(at this site) reading the shower scene from DTTW who couldn’t get through it without cracking up. I was LOL’ing at her attempt.

      I enjoy Cat & Bones – J. Frost does a pretty good job with them. Rawr.

      Quinn? ROTFLMFAO!
      He barely had the condom on and was yelling ”NOW!NOW!” :O
      The term ”Leg lickin’ dry humper” has always stuck with me and I use the term whenever/wherever his name comes up. *snort*
      It didn’t help when he was too tired to change completely back to human and Sookie describes him as naked but with a tail hanging down.
      EWWW! LMAO!

      Love the new layout SVB – Lookin’ good! ;)


      • IATM says:

        HA ! hell yea, i agree Quinn in mid -shift with the tail hanging out was a turn off to me too … i was **shaking my head** on the scene in DD .

        the Tiger to lazy to shift all the way & has a tail hanging isnt really sex appeal IMO.. he is a lazy lover as well…

        Dont even get me started with Billy cringe sex scene’s.. i could go all day.. that was why i started with Quinn in the first place **snort** :-)


        • fiendish says:

          I don’t remember the floppy tiger tail! i must have brain bleached immediately….. but now i have a horrible image in my head. Bleugggghhhhhh!!!!


          • IATM says:

            LOL, yea Quinn really isnt important to us Eric fans..

            but the scene is in DD chapter 22 (page 317).. Quinn was in Mid -Shift Naked with a tail hanging out.. all of this occured after the (Eric) bowling for Vampire’s at QSA’s palace with Peter’s clan & whatnot & Sookie escaped with Quinn & Andre’s help..

            Sookie told Quinn to sleep on the floor.. she let’s Dean ( Sam) sleep on the floor as well when he spends the nights in DUD & ect..ect..ect..

            But anyway, Quinn admitts he was too tired to change fully back.. so he did a mid -shift..


            • C.K. says:

              Sookie even admitted in the short story that she blew Quinn off. She did try to let him down easily in the short story. She told him he was a nice guy, attractive, and she is “fond” of him. I think she only went out with him in the first place because Eric was ignoring her. Subconsciously she probably wanted to make Eric jealous. Quinn was the last person I wanted Sookie with.


    29. Fuzzy Peaches says:

      I think JR Ward has the hottest PNR sexy bits. But I mostly like all the growling. Not sure what that says about me …


    30. MoreEric says:

      LMAO … one of the reasons why I never enjoyed the book’s was the woefully inadequate sexual descriptions CH used in her writings. Totally annoying and so Jr. High “ish”. I remember finally deciding to read the books thinking “there must be something these bookies LOVE about the books and it has to be the S-E-X between Sookie and Eric”. Then I read the books and it was like … what the FUCK was THAT … lol. Are you freaking kidding me? I’m pretty turned off by the “nub” and “channel” analogies if ya get my drift.

      What are we … 12?


      • Krtmd says:

        Well, don’t forget that Sookie was a virgin until she met Bill. So she was pretty inexperienced in sex, personally. Not counting what she heard from other people’s heads.

        She was also raised by her grandmother, so I’m not sure there was a whole lot of frank sexual talk in their house.

        And finally, as SVB pointed out, Sookie uses the language of the romance novels she reads to talk about her sex life.


      • trarecar says:

        Speaking of channel, I remember reading somewhere a woman asking what exactly Sookie meant when she said that Eric made love like a train thundering through a tunnel.

        I felt so bad for her. LOL


    31. FemmeScorpio says:

      I don’t think the reason people like the books is just for the sex scenes. The thing for most is the ‘who done it’ and the path that Sookie has been on since vamps came out of the closet. When Bill walked into that bar never in her wildest dreams would she imagine maenads, demons, goblins, werewolves, shifters etc. Then learning about her own special features…

      As you’ll see in the forum, lots of things are interesting and analyzed and sex is usually far down on the list.

      Unlike TB, I think it’s safe to say that most care about the other characters like Mr. C, Diantha, Claudine etc.


    32. Isis says:

      “Her pubes was a field of wheat after the harvest, a field neatly furrowed; it was a nest, a pomegranate, an arrowhead, a rune. It was a shadow. It was moss on a smooth white stone. There was an orchid within the moss. There was a drop of dew upon the orchid. It had the breath of moss-beds, of the deep seas, of the abyss, of scrimshaw and blue glass, of cold iron; she had the sex of rain forests, the ibis and the scarab; she had the sex of mirrors and candles, of the hot, careful winds that stroke the veldt, the winds that taste of clay and seed and blood; the winds that dreamed of tawny, lean animals.”

      Say wha!? I´m confused, first of all he lost me … lost me, not had me… at pomegranate blah blah. Secondly, I don´t know if I´m suppose to imagine myself to be in a cornfield, at sea or in a rain forest or any of the above. And finally, has this anything to do with SEX?? If so… quivering puppies or winking breasts, do so much more for me than sex of mirrors…;)


      • Krtmd says:

        its a lot of mixed metaphors, ain’t it?

        Irises and scarabs, mirrors and fruit.

        And only one drop of dew upon the orchid?

        Apparently, it wasn’t doing it for her either. ;-)


    33. MASpencer says:

      This conversation is seriously cracking me up. :lol:


    34. Slattern4BookSook says:

      ROFLMAO Krtmd!

      “Only one drop of dew”?! Girl is in danger of a brush fire!


    35. Slattern4BookSook says:

      BTW – LOVE the new site colors!


    36. Obladee says:

      Me likee the new colors, SVB! Thought something had gone wrong with my browser initially! :D

      I try to block out the corny euphemisms in ummmm…….. certain sex scenes by ummmmmm….. certain authors! But they are good for a laugh! :)


    37. KCScout says:

      OMG, like buttons – I *love* like buttons. They are the best possible enhancement. Prepare to be liked :-D


    38. jayetea says:

      Love the new look, SVB! I’ve definitely read some cringe worthy stuff…I can’t remember much of it, though. I’ve probably blocked it out! CH’s stuff is just hilarious to me most of the time…oh, Sookie!


    39. Kitsunegari says:

      Oh Gawd! I need the laughs from this! I’ve been a fan of cheesy euphamisms ever since I read “Fanny Hill” by John Cleland. Considering that it was first published in 1748 it shows that snicker-worthy terms in literature are not a new thing. Anyone who can use terms like ‘nestling budlet’ and ‘maypole’ gets my seal of approval lol.


    40. VPG says:

      OMG! Thank you for this post SVB! The article, the post, and all the comments have seriously been cracking me up! Also love the new look for the site!

      I can’t think of any cringeworthy lines to add myself (not that we need more than has already been posted!) but I do have a horrible distaste for hearing a pussy desrcibed as a flower in any way (and I used to read a lot of historical romances so it’s a phrase I’ve heard too often!)


    41. Pubes! *giggles*

      Love new layout coloring :)


    42. Vampobsessed says:

      Incubus Dreams wasn’t my absolute fave book BUT I actually liked that redundant “fuck me…” line. I just like dirty talk. If it would have been “make love to me…” over and over again, I would have gagged.


    43. FemmeScorpio says:

      it’s not supernatural, but i just finished Mildred Pierce on audible and it just is too funny that when characters have sex, it is referred to as flopping.


    44. C.K. says:

      I like the new coloring for the site. It looks lovely. I liked the old colors too.


    45. ByteMeBill says:

      I’m sorry but if you want to read hot PNR tiger sex,then it’s Tiger Eye by Marjorie M. Liu. No brain bleach needed.
      Love the new site colors!


    46. Morganjane says:

      The Purple on here rocks my world!! I like the DTTW sex scene, it was less about the words (that are so cheesy) and more about what finally happened. Now in DTTW and DR, I needed more than the nursing and monkey sex. It seems to me that Sookie and Eric have gone from passionate, beatuiful, entertaining blood swap sex to quickies. CH has Sookie say she has sex often with Eric but come on CH, give me something to sink my teeth into. I think that if Sookie is having amazing sex with Eric, Guiness Book of world record stuff, I want to experience more of that!!!! Fan fiction has to fill the gaps for me.

      I had to leave Anita at book 7, I just didn’t like the sex anymore. I wanted more Jean Claude, not the Anita that has sex with everything, it is her super power or something.


    47. Shau'ri says:

      OMG so funny…I was laughing my ass off!! :D :D :D

      BTW love the new look for the blog!! ;)


    48. EricObsessed says:

      Purple’s my favorite color!

      Scene that made me cringe is Jeaniene Frost, One Foot in the Grave about 3/4 of the way through the book is a seriously intense sex scene and for me, personally, the detailed description of the anal sex (including lubricant descriptions) totally made me cringe but the last line in that scene was; “Bones laughed, savage and exultant. ‘You’ll drain me dry, but not my neck and you’ll beg me to stop before I’m finished’” LOL

      But yeah, I’ve got that all Bookmarked on my Kindle. :)


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