Drive-By Rant

March 22, 2011 in Bill, Drive By, Eric Northman, Random Rants, True Blood

When I first started this blog, I would rant about things that pissed me off about this show and its fandom on an almost daily basis.

I hardly ever get to do that any more – the daily grind of running the site has certainly impacted on the amount of time I have to spend picking fluff out of my navel.

Fuck that. It’s time my navel got more attention.

Bill Compton and his long list of selfless deeds DO NOT PROVE that his love for Sookie turned him into some sort of altruistic white knight.

Stop this shit.


I’ve just been reading a List of Bill’s Heroic Deeds on facebook. I’m sure I don’t need to copy and paste that tripe here – you’re all intimately familiar with the contents of these ad nauseum lists, I’m sure. They’ve been posted all over since 2008.

I have no problem with people trying to defend their preferred character. What I DO have a problem with is the fact that lately, these lists completely ignore what we know about Bill’s motives now, in comparison to what we knew when these “self sacrificing” acts were committed. Bill performed all these marvellous acts to save Sookie’s life over the first three seasons – but never-you-mind why her life was so valuable to him in the first place.

When it hadn’t been revealed (not explicitly anyway) that Bill was sent to do a job, some of Bill’s actions could certainly pass for “heroic”.

But knowing what we know now, it’s laughable to even attempt to make an argument that Bill was some knight in shining armour who just wanted to keep Sookie safe…and NOTHING else.

The facts are that Bill was sent to secure Sookie for his employer, the Queen. Whether or not Bill developed feelings for her is completely irrelevant in this regard; whatever those feelings were they weren’t enough to make him abandon his task. Whether or not Bill is working for the AVL is likewise irrelevant.

The upshot of Bill’s mission is that for Sookie to be of use to the Queen (or anyone else with a vested interest) SHE HAS TO BE ALIVE.

No matter who Bill is working for or what his mission entailed, the fact remains that Sookie is completely worthless if she’s dead.

Bill’s saving her ass from ANYTHING – whether it be the Ratts, Malcolm and the terrible trio, Maryann and her clawing, Russell, Renee or anyone else who’s tried to take her out – is no longer the straightforward matter that it was in season one and two, before we knew what Bill was tasked with.

Now, it’s a matter for the viewer to decide whether Bill did it all for love – or whether he did it because Sophie Anne (or the AVL…take your pick) would have his “fangs for earrings” if Sookie had died on his watch, taking her magical and much coveted fairy blood with her.

Incidentally, Eric was under no such threat of an ass kicking. Whatever Eric did for Sookie, he did because he wanted to – not because someone had a metaphorical knife to his throat.

Yet Bill is the “hero” of this piece?

Give me a fucking break.

Spare me your fucking lies, we’ll find out the truth on our own.


True Blood – A Love Story

January 8, 2011 in Bill, Franklin Mott, True Blood

A vampire walks into a bar. It sounds like the opening line of a bad joke, right?

He’s new in town…and he’s an investigator on a misson.

At the behest of his royal employer…

He seeks out his target – a female employee of the bar. He enquires as to whether the establishment stocks the blood substitute that will quench his thirst….

Soon after meeting the woman, the vampire finds her in the parking lot of her workplace after the bar is closed.

She’s arguing with a pair of nasty rednecks.

He watches for a while, and then the verbal altercation turns violent. He steps into the fray ….

Feeling an instant and powerful connection, the woman and the vampire fall into a sexual relationship. They know nothing about eachother….but that doesn’t matter, because their attraction is electric!

It’s love at first sight.

Before long, their relationship takes on an emotional intensity that the woman has never experienced before.

The vampire becomes prone to tearful, emotional meltdowns….

He proclaims that there is something special about his beloved that only he can see….

He declares her off limits to all others, vehemently swearing to kill any other vampire who hurts her or tries to take her from him.

He will never let her go. He only wants to keep her safe, can’t she see?

The woman begins to become uneasy with her vampire’s secretive and possessive ways. She tries to placate him – assuring him that it’s the other vampires who make her afraid and that really and truly, there is only him.

But she knows she is lying….

Desperate to make her his own, the vampire decides that he will make the woman his bride.

But his proposal lacks forethought, is poorly timed, and will ultimately amount to nothing….

Everything is falling apart…and it’s going to take a hell of alot more than a shower to wash this hot mess away.

But the vampire refuses to let go.

She is “mine”.

Determined to reassert control over her life, the woman sleeps with the vampire one last time.

Their sex is violent and loveless….

Conspiracy theory? Wishful thinking? Over active imagination?

I’ll allow Alan Ball the final word on the “love story” he has crafted with such finesse:

“Franklin does care…in his own twisted way. Unfortunately, he’s a psychopath”.
Comic Con, 2010.

I think we just got smacked in the face with the Foreshadowing Bat.

Just sayin’.

Just Sayin’

August 24, 2010 in 3.10 I Smell A Rat, Bill, Jessica, Sookie Stackhouse, True Blood

Bill: Season 1, Episode 2 – First Taste.

Sookie is bashed by white trash outside Merlotte’s.

Jessica: Season 3, Episode 10 – I Smell A Rat

Hoyt is bashed by white trash outside Merlotte’s:

Bill: S01, E02:

Bill comes upon the attack, and throws Sookie’s attacker into the trees:

Jessica: S03, E10:

Jessica comes upon the attack, and throws Hoyt’s attacker into the trees:

Bill: S01, E02:

Bill comes to Sookie’s aid:

Jessica: S03, E10:

Jessica comes to Hoyt’s aid:

Bill: S01, E02:

Bill convinces Sookie to drink his blood against her better judgement:

Jessica: S03, E10:

Jessica convinces Hoyt to drink her blood against his better judgement:

Bill: S01, E02:

Sam, the shifter observes the scene:

Jessica: S03, E10:

Tommy, the shifter observes the scene:

This scene is almost an exact mirror of Sookie’s bashing by the Rattray’s in season 1. There has to be a reason this is coming up again now, and with Bill’s “child” playing his role.

Just sayin’.

Just Sayin’

August 5, 2010 in 3.07 Hitting the Ground, Bill, Season 1, Sookie Stackhouse, True Blood

A number of us in the forum have been discussing the “truck scene” in this week’s episode. This is unsurprising, since the book version which sees Sookie fed on and raped by Bill is one of the most debated scenes of the series.

Our interest in the True Blood version has been piqued not by the rights, wrongs and justifications for his attack on Sookie, however. It’s Bill’s reaction after the dust settles that really has us talking.

It started with a criticism of what appeared to be yet another example of plot driven writing – Bill’s inexplicable lapses in and out of conciousness, and violent swinging between incoherence and weakness, super-strength and cunning from the opening scene of this episode.

I’m not going to explore this here, I’ll leave that for you to ponder.

Towards the end of the truck scene, Alcide opens the rear doors and Bill once again snaps to attention. He takes in the chaos: a mauled and comatose Sookie, and a Tara who looks like she is ready to cut him up into bite-sized chucks and barbeque him right there on the side of the highway. Bill starts making a show of concern, but Tara – who is having NO more of his shit today – kicks his ass to the kerb before she and Alcide leave him there to fry.

We immediately brace ourselves for the next shot – which will SURELY involve some version of Bill’s Ah Am Tortured Vampiah Face, and most likely a bit of drop-to-the-knees wailing and gnashing of fangs.

Instead, what we got was this.


Far from anguished and guilt-ridden, the second Alcide and Tara were out of sight – emo vampire is gone. Bill expresses a mild and fleeting interest in the condition of his NOT burning skin, before pausing in the midst of what you would expect to be a completely MIND BLOWING discovery for a vampire to stare after the disappearing van with his miracle inside.

“DAMN!”, he says. As if he’d just stepped in a pile of dog shit.



After apparently just realising that you may have killed your “Miracle”, you were left for dead in the blazing sun. “Damn” is all you got?

Where’s the theatrical freak-out we’ve come to expect from Bon Temps’ resident drama queen?

Suffice to say, Bill’s apparent lack of concern when no one was there to see it at both Sookie’s dire predicament, and his own impromptu sunbathing session raises some serious red flags.

Everything about this scene was off, and it was off for a reason. This is coming from yours truly – with a self-proclaimed hair trigger when it comes to calling bad writing and directorial failures on this show.

We have speculated here that Sophie-Anne’s interest in Sookie extends beyond her telepathy, since that would be too predictable for book readers…and anyone else who has ever googled “Bill Compton”. There has to be a twist coming, with the most popular theory around these parts being that everyone is after Sookie because her fairy blood gives vampires the ability to walk in daylight.

[See this post back in May, containing Alan Ball's comments on Sophie Anne's daywalking obsession in season 3 for background.]

This episode seemed to lend some weight to our theory. We saw Bill able to stand out in the sun after ingesting an extra generous helping of Sookie juice, and we also took a heavy hint through the introduction of Claudine that Sookie is part fae. Sookie having no blood type? Another huge hint that there is something very special about the blood of our favourite waitress.

So bearing these few things in mind let’s take a nostalgic look behind us, shall we?

Episode 6 – Cold Ground

Bill awakens from his slumber to find his Sookie sense beeping. He imagines she is being strangled by Gran’s killer – and is forced to lay in his hidey-hole, literally watching the clock until the sun finally sets. He immediately shoots out of his house to save her–but not one second before that nasty sun is DOWN.

We even get a few shots of the sky outside to emphasise this point. Just in case we missed it.

Episode 8 – The Fourth Man in the Fire

Bill and Sookie have what appears to be a sweet post-coital conversation during which Bill is absently stroking the very top of Sookie’s non-pointy fairy ear.

As his finger moves rhythmically back and forth, Bill whispers sweet nothings at his beloved:

S: Don’t it [sex] get old? For you, I mean. You’ve been doin’ it for over a hundred years. Doesn’t it get predictable?

B: Not with you it doesn’t. You’re entirely different. And the beauty and the tragedy of it is that you don’t know just how different you are.

An obvious reference to her telepathic abilities? Maybe, but Sookie already knows about that. A less obvious reference to her fae bloodline? It sure made the bookies think they were all up on this scene, and it seemed even more likely that Bill was talking about fairies, given his flagrant molestation of the top of Sookie’s ear as he spoke.

But Bill doesn’t KNOW about Sookie’s unusual family line…does he?

Jumping ahead to the season 1 finale, Crispy Bill stupidly (or so we thought) runs out into the daylight to save Sookie from Rene:

At the time, we scoffed and howled. It seemed completely ludicrous, even for Bill, to think he could ever be of any help to Sookie while he was slowly roasting away in the sun. It didn’t make any sense at all. At least not to those of us watching with our brains ON and our Bill boners OFF.

“He is a VAMPIRE. What was he even THINKING!” we wailed.

But something changed between the first time he wanted to save her in Episode 6 and couldn’t – and his kamikaze run in the sun in Episode 12. And that something is starting to look very important and interesting. In between these two events, he started drinking her blood.

Fast forward again to season 2.09, and this memorable scene.

On forums everywhere, long and bitter complaints could be found on the inconsistencies between the way Bill burned in season 1, and the way Godric burned in season 2. Godric never had a drop of Sookie’s blood. In fact, we know that The Most Reverend Ghandi Vampire on a hunger strike didn’t have ANYONE’S blood, fairy or otherwise, for at least a few days before he died.

Hands up who was never really satisfied with the “older vampires burn faster” explanation? And we never did get a reason as to why they burn BLUE. Bill’s slow roast and Godric’s technicolor blue flames seemed completely at odds.

Well they would be – unless the way Godric burned is the way vampires usually burn. And it was BILL’S burning that was in fact the anomaly.


Russell Edgington, after attempting to daywalk. What do Crispy Russell and Crispy Bill have in common, that Godric does not? Both had just imbibed a generous helping of Sookie juice.

Instead of being sent to secure Sookie for her telepathy, was Bill sent to “procure” Sookie for the daywalking-obsessed Sophie Anne (or another “Authority”) in hopes of exploiting the special qualities of her blood? And more importantly, has Bill known about “how special she is” and what her blood can do since he met her? How far back does this go, considering Bill has a dossier on Sookie dating back to her childhood? Did he run out in the sun in season 1 already knowing that he would take a long time to die?

It sure takes the romantic shine off that heroic little deed, doesn’t it?

This may well be at least part of the twist we’ve been expecting on the Sophie-Anne/telepathy mission from the books.

And suddenly, Bill’s odd reaction in the last episode doesn’t seem quite so strange or out of character any more.

Just sayin’.

Just Sayin'

June 21, 2010 in Bill, Secondary Characters, True Blood

3.01: Arlene – “I’m sorry you fell in love with a serial killer, but honestly, who here hasn’t?”

You oughta know Arlene, since you were engaged to one.

3.02: Talbot – “I just redecorated the guest room. Wait until you see the bed…Bill, it’s marvellous! It once belonged to Countess Elizabeth Bathory, Hungary’s legendary serial killer.

Rumor has it, that she loved to torture virgins and bathe in their blood.”


Fast Facts: Elizabeth Bathory’s bloodlust was the stuff of legend. So legendary, in fact, that she is often compared to Vlad the Impaler – the historical figure upon whom Count Dracula is based.


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